Numb. In high school I would get that bad news; that sinking news and my stomach would just drop. That’s how my body reacted to things when something was about to change or has changed. No matter if it was something unexpected with my family or something I’d been thinking about and had fears about in my then relationship. My stomach would just go lopsided. But NOW- and I think it really started and changed somewhere during my sophomore year of college- I just become still. My stomach doesn’t get those nervy feelings- that feeling isn’t there- I just become silent. I really have to take in the head-on hit of what’s going on. And this isn’t how I really deal with, say, a project I’m doing for work or class- I may think about it for a few seconds and lay out plans of action, but these types of things- I just need time.
Because it’s something I cannot quite wrap my head around. I don’t know how it’s going to affect me and which part of me is going to change; which part of my life is going to change- how it’s going to change. It’s when you feel a hump that you know you have to get over and eventually will somehow, it’s just going to take time and progress.
I think and maybe know that it’s going to make the best of me in the long run; make me a better person in the end. I just remind myself that this is just another chapter change of my life. It’s not just me, my 27 cousins and awesome aunts and uncles who don’t always get along, and my mom, dad, brother, and sister– it’s now a whole different level and it’s going to be a personal growth.
Sorting out your thoughts takes a long time. Taking in the moment and the reality of the situation and deciding how it’s going to affect you is important. I’ve learned that this is the best way for me to deal with things; to let my head clear and not really think about what my plan of action is. I have to collect my thoughts and pray— pray that the situation is going to naturally take care of itself.
And it will.